


Prayer

by lemons11



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12.23, 12.23 Spoilers, Angst, Basically everyone is just mentioned besides Dean and Cas, Castiel is dead, Dead Castiel, Dean Prays, Dean can't really deal with death, God is gone, Hurt No Comfort, I have SUBTEXT though, I really should sleep, M/M, No Fluff, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Post-Season/Series 12, Sad, Spoilers, Spoilers for Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, i just have a lot of feelings, if you want to see it as platonic you can, just pain, not super gay, obviously, season 12 episode 23
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 01:12:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11772375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemons11/pseuds/lemons11
Summary: Dean doesn't know what to do.He just cannot function.So he prays.(Set right at the end/the cut off of 12.23. Spoilers, of course. Thank you)





	Prayer

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to 'Addict with a Pen' by twenty one pilots and 'Hallelujah' while writing this, but they're not needed.

Dean doesn't know what to do.

He just cannot function.

So he prays.

 

Dean was never one for praying, really. It was always kind of weird to him. Sam prayed, and had always believed in God and all, y'know.

But that doesn't mean he never prayed.

Dean prayed only in times like this, when he truly had no idea what to do next.

So, when Sam ran back into the house behind him, he dropped to his knees next to Castiel.

He closed his eyes and put his hands together, somewhat. As much as he could have managed, really, at that moment.

He swallowed, and took a moment to consider who he'd be praying to. Right now, he'd talk to anyone who would listen. He would beg, and plead, to anybody within celestial earshot.

"Oh, God...Anyone out there, Chuck, Amara. Any angels still there. I'm goin' out on a limb here, but Gabriel, maybe. I'll take anything. Literally anything I can get. Please. Just, please, bring him back. I swear, I'll go join a monastery, I'll start going to church, I'll pray, I'll go preach on street corners all day. I'll do anything. I don't care. I've been through this enough with the other side, and that never does us any good. So, here I am, begging you guys. Shit, if you want my soul, you can have that, too. Just bring him back."

The weight of the situation suddenly hit him, and so did the fact that there was nobody left to help him. God and Amara left. The Archangels were dead, the Devil was in another universe- with Dean's mother. And the Nephilim was probably gonna be useless, too. He was Lucifer's child- why would he even have cared? Two humans asking him to revive a dead angel? That would mean nothing.

So there Dean sat, staring at the night sky.

It reminded him of times when he and Sam would just sit against Baby and look at the sky, ever since Sam was a kid.

It also reminded him of that night at the brothel. God, that was years ago. Another couple of apocalypses ago. Ironically, still against Lucifer.

They had not been in the middle of nowhere like this, so the stars weren't so visible. But, he still remembered looking up at the sky when he had been laughing about Cas' mishap. He had tilted back his head, and simply laughed at something that happened to them. It was so simple. And Castiel had looked at him, in that moment. The angel hadn't quite understood what was so funny about it, but seeing Dean laugh was enough to make him smile. 

Castiel's smile.

Oh, God. 

The pain suckerpunched him in the gut at full speed.

Dean looked back down at the body beside him.

He would never see that smile again.

He would never get to hear his voice again.

He would never see that confused head tilt again, or his eyebrows furrow when he was trying to understand a reference Dean made. 

And Cas would never hear Dean say 'I love you, too'.

If Dean died with any regrets, that was going to be one of them.

It wasn't fair to Cas. It just wasn't.  
He didn't deserve to be pulled into everything with them.  
Castiel just did his job when he raised Dean out of Hell, but he was doomed to fall after that moment.  
But he chose them, anyway.  
He chose Dean, anyway.  
And, after almost a decade, this was what he got in return.

He tried praying, one more time.

"Cas...hey, I know you probably can't hear me, but, it's worth a try."  
Dean gazed back up at the stars.  
"I... I know I've made some mistakes, Cas. Big ones, small ones. But, right now, what I regret the most is never properly telling you how much you mean to me. Obviously, I've tried to do so without encountering my feelings. That doesn't really work though, with something like this."  
Dean sighed, and closed his eyes, again.  
"Castiel, I love you. I've loved you for years but I'm such a goddamn dick that I never actually said it. I think you knew, because you've just always known me. But you deserve more than that. You deserve to be reminded every day of how great you are. And I didn't do that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that 'I'm sorry' is pointless. I'd say it a million times if it'd get you back. But, it won't. And at this point, I don't know if anything will. So, I'm sorry."  
Dean opened his eyes, slightly hoping something could change. But, this time, he'd simply have to live with it.

Because there was nobody to save them, this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I think I need sleep now. Hope you enjoyed! I've been crying about the ending for the past two hours so I needed to write it out.
> 
> 11/7/17- I just read this again and made myself cry again wow


End file.
